Li Qi
I had gone through an unhappy marriage and I started a new family in 2007. After marriage, due to my physical unfitness, I had habitual abortion. In 2011, I was over the child-bearing age, but luckily, I was pregnant once again. To give birth to the baby smoothly, I strictly followed the doctor’s advice to have tonics and take rest; I had examinations and injections of tocolytic agents regularly in the hospital, in fear of an unexpected miscarriage. However, more than six months later, amniotic fluid breaking, I delivered a premature baby with the weight of 1.8kg. The doctor diagnosed my son’s illness as a congenital biliary atresia, which might take his life at all times. Hearing that news, I felt as if the sky had fallen and I couldn’t help but drop tears unceasingly, thinking: It is not easy for me to bear this child. How come he has a congenital disease? No! I must try my best to cure him. Nowadays, science is so developed. Besides, it has been publicized in the newspaper and on TV that any disease can be cured. I’m assured that science will cure my son’s disease.
After my son was born, the doctor placed him in the incubator, injecting him with the imported nutraceutical on time every day, monitoring his heart around the clock and specially assigning persons to take care of him. However, having stayed in the incubator for twenty-three days, he only gained 200g. I was burning with anxiety. Seeing that my child felt too unwell to fall asleep, he breathed a shallow breath, cried with his face getting purple, and his navel swelled up, I was heartbroken, with tears wetting my face every day. I thought: So many days have passed and we have used almost all leading medicines and remedies; how can they be ineffective? The modern medical science is so advanced now, but why can it not alleviate my son’s pain? Is the medical skill not up to the mark or the equipment not advanced in this hospital? Perhaps those are better in a large-scale hospital.
So, after discussion, my husband and I decided to transfer our son to a provincial hospital. Regardless of my rather frail body, I was discharged from the hospital quickly and on the very day, we left for the provincial capital. In the provincial hospital, my child was sent to the incubator again, and took blood test every day. After several twists and turns, the results of inspection were the same as before, and the doctor gave the same medical treatments. After nine days, my son’s illness didn’t take a favorable turn, but was aggravated owing to being drawn too much blood for tests. His cries became weaker and weaker, his navel got more and more swollen, his weight decreased, and he sucked the breast with difficulties. Observing this situation, the doctor was afraid that my child would die in the hospital, so he said to us, “You’d better go home. I’m incapable of curing your child. There’s no use in continuing healing him.” Hearing the specialist’s words, my husband and I were agonized. I thought: Will my kid’s life end that way? Isn’t it said that all the disease can be cured by modern science? Why can’t it cure my son? I still didn’t give up, then I cried and pleaded with the doctor, “Please seek other ways to save my child. As long as there is a glimmer of hope, I’m willing to do no matter how much it costs.” But he shook his head resignedly. My husband also advised me, “Since the specialist can’t cure our son’s disease, now we can only wait for his good fortune.” We had no alternative but to take our child back home.
On the second day after we returned home, my aunt (my father’s sister) came to visit my child and me. She testified about God’s
gospel to me. And then she picked up a book and read a passage of
God’s words to me, “
From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” After reading these words, my aunt fellowshiped, “God is the
Creator and the source of life for all things. He presides over everything of man. So everyone’s fate is in control of His hand and cannot be governed or decided by anyone. Your son’s disease cannot be cured in this hospital, nor in that hospital. You can hand the child to God,
pray to Him, depend on and look up to Him more often. Whether he is well or not, let God control and decide. We just submit to His sovereignty and arrangement. …” Hearing her words, I gasped and thought: I have never heard about such words. They are reasonable. I thought back to the past. After I had a pregnancy, I started having injections, taking medicine and having health care for the safe birth of my child. Beyond my expectation, I had a premature delivery and my child had a congenital disease. We transferred him from a general hospital to a large-scale one, but both of them couldn’t cure him of disease. It cost a lot of money, but his disease turned no better. It seemed that science cannot take charge of man’s fate, much less change one’s fate. Is my child indeed in charge of God? My son’s disease, congenital disease couldn’t be cured even in the largest hospital in the provincial capital. Is God able to? My aunt seemed to read my thought and said to me, “God’s authority and power cannot be fathomed by man. If you experience practically, you can see God’s wondrous deeds.” Hearing what she said, I wanted to have a try. Maybe, if I believed in God, there would be a little hope for my son’s disease. Thereupon, I began to follow my aunt to believe in God. Whenever I had time, I would read God’s words. The brothers and sisters often had gatherings at my home and fellowshiped with me. And I often committed my son’s disease into God’s hands and allowed Him to control and arrange.
One evening, my son felt unwell again and cried very bitterly with sweat all over, his navel swelling badly. Seeing his agony, I began to worry again: He is so small and thin and doesn’t want feeding. If this continues, how can he bear? I’d better let my husband take him to the hospital again. Perhaps there’ll be a gleam of hope. I told my thought to my husband. He took a look at our child and said dejectedly, “Our son has a congenital disease. The best expert has refused to treat him. Even if we go to the hospital, what problems can be solved?” Then I thought what he said was reasonable. Even the expert in the provincial hospital couldn’t cure him. Science can’t save my child. What should I do? One day, I saw two passages of God’s words, “
From when man first had social sciences, the mind of man was occupied by science and knowledge. Then science and knowledge became tools for the ruling of mankind, and there was no longer sufficient room for man to worship God, and no more favorable conditions for the worship of God. The position of God sunk ever lower in the heart of man.” “Mankind merely uses scientific knowledge that the naked eye can see and the brain can comprehend to anesthetize his heart. … Regardless of whether you are able to recognize the deed of God, and irrespective of whether you believe in the existence of God, there is no doubt that your fate lies within the ordination of God, and there is no doubt that God will always hold sovereignty over all things. His existence and authority are not predicated upon whether or not they can be recognized and comprehended by man. Only He knows man’s past, present and future, and only He can determine the fate of mankind.” At this time, I understood: Originally, I had been esteeming science and relying on it, and I had thought science was all-purpose, could solve people’s various difficulties and cure people’s all kinds of diseases. Before the birth of my child, I tried to prevent a miscarriage with scientific methods for my child to be born smoothly. However, unexpectedly, my son was delivered prematurely with a congenital disease. During the treatment, I, again, put all of my hope on science, believing that, in modern times, science was well-developed, and with advanced apparatus and equipment, imported medicine as well as the treatment of the specialists, my son would recover from his disease. As a consequence, we spent lots of energy and money, but all hardly helped. It turned out that science is not all-purpose, and it cannot rule over man’s fate, much less change man’s foreordination. I was deceived by science, believing it in the depth of my heart, but not admitting God’s sovereignty, not believing man’s fate is in the hand of God. Hence, as soon as I had difficulties, I would think of science and intended to alter my child’s fate by it. It could be seen that what I believed and depended on in my heart was science, and I wasn’t a true believer in God! From then on, I am determined to rely on and look unto God genuinely, and allow God to reign over, dominate and arrange my son’s fate. No matter whether my son would die or survive, I would obey Him and have no complaints.
Four months later, the symptom of my son showed little improvement, his face yellow and thin, and his breath feeble. I planned in my heart again: My son is always suffering so much and has not improved a bit. Should I find a better hospital? Thinking of these, I was anxious and uneasy. In pain, I came before God and cried to Him, “Oh, God! My son hasn’t had a better turn for so long a time. I don’t know whether I shall go to the hospital. Oh, God! I would like to depend on You! May You lead me to understand Your will.” After prayer, I saw two passages of God’s words, “
Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! … Faith is like a single log bridge….” “
People’s faith is required for when something cannot be seen by the naked eye, and your faith is required for when you cannot let go of your own notions. When you are not clear on God’s work, what is required is your faith and that you take a firm stance and stand witness. … If you have lost hope in God, how will you be able to experience Him? Therefore, only when you have faith and you do not harbor doubts toward God, only when you have true faith in Him no matter what He does will He enlighten and illuminate you in your experiences, and only then will you be able to see His actions. … What does faith refer to? Faith is the genuine belief and the sincere heart that humans should possess when they cannot see or touch something, when God’s work is not in line with human notions, when it is beyond human reach. This is the faith that I speak of.” Having read these words, I recalled: Before I believed in God, I only believed science. Consequently, seeking medical advice had no result. Today, I have believed in God, but I have suspicion in my heart. I still want to depend on science. Neither do I believe in God’s sovereignty, nor do I believe that man’s life is in God’s hand. Feeling uncertain about God, I will not see His actions. Only by genuinely believing in God can I see His wondrous deeds. Therefore, every day I, by prayer, put my son’s disease in God’s hands and left it at the mercy of Him.
When I truly committed my son to God’s hands, after a short period of time, he had unconsciously a little ruddy complexion, and didn’t cry bitterly as before. Seeing he was on the mend, my husband took him to the hospital to check. After the checkup, the doctor made certain that my son had gotten over the disease and said, “It’s really a miracle!” At that moment, I dared not believe my son’s disease was gone miraculously and he could grow up like other normal children. I was so excited that tears swarmed to my eyes. I said to my husband gladly, “Thank God! Thank God! God is indeed marvelous!” Watching our son, my husband nodded happily and gaily.
Through this matter, I have personally experienced and seen: God, using His extraordinary authority and power, created the miracle of life. These years, whenever I see my son grow up healthily and happily, I will think of God’s salvation and can’t help sighing from the bottom of my heart: Science simply can’t change man’s fate. Only God is the source of man’s life. The life and death of each person are determined by God.
When working as a teacher, at the beginning, I gave the excellent students more encouragement and also helped the poor students with their lessons patiently. It surprised me that my class ranked last in the exam. I felt very dismayed and thought: In the last six months, I taught assiduously and conscientiously, but why did my class do so badly in the exam? As I could find out no way, a close colleague had a heart-to-heart talk with me: “You should treat these students harshly. Spare the rod and spoil the child. So, if they can’t get good scores, you should punish them and give them some pressure. Gradually their scores will be improved.” I was astonished at these words. And I thought: The responsibility of a teacher is to teach and nurture people. In order to improve the students’ exam results, a teacher puts pressure on them and punishes them, then does he have professional ethics? But considering that I have just entered into this profession and the competition was so fierce, if the exam results of my class always stayed in the last place, I can’t teach at this school. For the sake of my career prospects, I tried to accept my colleague’s “experience” after turning this matter over and over in my mind.
At first, I didn’t have the heart to mete out physical punishment to them. Over time, my conscience became dull. Thus, I often asked disobedient students to remain standing in the playground; When they got up to mischief, I pulled their ears or spanked them; If they didn’t hand in homework, I would ask them to copy the homework for many times and stand on the platform; Sometimes I called their parents to teach them. As a result, those students behaved themselves in my class and everyone feared me and treated me with great respect. After six months, their exam results rose from the last to third from last. It seemed that my colleague’s method was effective.
Afterward, their exam scores rose rapidly and ranked among the best always. Meanwhile, I was assessed as an advanced teacher for many times. Ten years later, I was promoted to teach in a public school. Soon I was transferred from a rural school to an urban one. I saw my colleagues there also educated students by meting out corporal punishment to them. Civilized teaching didn’t exist at all. In addition, for improving exam scores, those teachers arranged the seats painstakingly by matching outstanding students with slow students before exams. Furthermore, they put pressure on the outstanding students by requiring them to “help” slow students. Teachers told those outstanding students, “if the slow students do poorly in exams and affect the total scores of the class, you will lose your opportunity of being assessed as excellence.” Additionally, teachers also instilled into their students the idea that “Fullness for the bold, famine for the timid.” Besides, they told them to seize every chance to copy other’s and those who could get high scores by copying were proved to be really capable. Even those students who didn’t normally hand in their homework could get over eighty scores in the exam in the end. In this way, not only would the students and their parents be happy, but teachers would also be happier. The headmaster knew it in his gut and everyone had a tacit understanding. Only by seeing this did I know that the teaching method was the same in rural places and urban areas. It was indeed true that “All crows under the sun are black,” and “Exams are the most effective method for teachers and scores are the lifeblood to students.” In order that I could stay at the school, I promptly followed their teaching method.
Before long, some students of our school were sent back to school by policemen because they climbed onto the moving train, including a student in my class. Contrary to my expectations, after coming back, this boy bickered with other students and then they fought with each other. Moreover, he took a knife and intended to revenge them. If it were not caught timely, the consequence would be unpredictable; When holding sport competitions, the school, advocating the slogan, “Friendship comes first and competition second,” intended to enhance the friendship among students. To my surprise, the students of my class voluntarily organized together, shouting the slogan wantonly, “Defeat the other class firmly!” That raised a strife between two classes. In addition, a girl envied another girl’s good grades. They usually attacked, abused and fought with each other so that their parents fell out with each other too, which left a shadow on their young mind. … I was lost in thought after seeing all these matters: Are these “fruits of education” come out through my “careful” education over these years? “Teaching and nurturing people,” how sacred duty it is! “A teacher is an engineer of the human soul.” What a glorious title it is! But what did I bring to these children? How could I educate them well? I felt confused.
When I was at a loss, my relative preached God’s kingdom gospel to me. Through reading God’s words and living the church life, my heart came to be attracted by His words. One day, I saw God’s words: “There is an enormous secret in your heart. You never know it there because you have been living in a world without light shining. Your heart and your spirit have been taken away by the evil one. Your eyes are covered by darkness; you cannot see the sun in the sky, nor the twinkling star in the night. Your ears are clogged with deceptive words and you hear not the thunderous voice of Jehovah, nor the sound of the rushing waters from the throne. You have lost everything that should have belonged to you and everything that the Almighty bestowed upon you. You have entered an endless sea of bitterness, with no strength of a rescue, no hope of survival, left only to struggle and to bustle about. … From that moment, you are doomed to be afflicted by the evil one, kept far away from the blessings of the Almighty, out of reach of the provisions of the Almighty, and you embark on a road of no return. A million calls can hardly rouse your heart and your spirit. You sleep deeply in the hands of the evil one, who has lured you into the boundless realm, with no direction, with no road signs. Henceforth, you have lost your original purity, innocence, and started to hide from the care of the Almighty.” God’s words lit up my heart like a lamp, through which I saw I have been corrupted by Satan and lost my direction. I thought: When I started to be a teacher, in conformity with the sacred duty of a teacher, I did my part with a sense of responsibility and had a clear conscience. However, facing the fierce competition, in order to remain as a teacher in the school, I went against my conscience at any cost, carrying out corporal punishment. In consequence, those students were scared of me just like mice met a cat. During examinations, I encouraged them to cheat, instilled them the thoughts “Fullness for the bold, famine for the timid,” and “The fittest will survive.” Consequently, they were wrecked both physically and mentally. However, if I had not been awakened by God’s words, I would have still educated them in an immoral way, which would hurt these naive and innocent children. Realizing this, I prayed to God, “O God, I will no longer follow Satan. Please guide and lead me, so that I can live under Your protection and care.”
One day, I read these words of God, “In your seeking, you have too many individual notions, hopes, and futures. The current work is in order to deal with your desire for status and your extravagant desires. The hopes, the desire for status, and the notions are all classic representations of satanic disposition. The reason that these things exist in people’s hearts is entirely because Satan’s poison is always corroding people’s thoughts, and people are always unable to shake off these temptations from Satan. They are living in the midst of sin yet do not believe it to be sin. … For many years, the thoughts that people have relied upon for their survival have been corroding their hearts to the point that they have become treacherous, cowardly, and despicable. Not only do they lack willpower and resolve, but they have also become greedy, arrogant, and willful. They are utterly lacking any resolve that transcends the self, and even more, they don’t have a bit of courage to shake off the strictures of these dark influences.” From these words, I came to realize: Over these years, for the purpose of saving face and preserving my standing, I kept working hard and acting unscrupulously, hoping to gain a foothold in the education world and other’s admiration. I have been actually driven by the thoughts of Satan, “People want to move up as water has to flow down,” and “Stand out from others and pursue to stand high among people.” When I pursue fame, gain and status, I have been taken captive by Satan and become a servant of them, betraying my conscience to teach and living in pain. This is exactly the contemptible means by which Satan corrupted man. I made my resolution to get rid of these wrong view points and no longer willing to be used by Satan.
Afterward, I voluntarily made apologies to my students in class: “Dear students, I only knew to treat you rudely in the past. I am sorry. Now, I hope you can supervise me. If you find I do something wrong in the future, please tell me and I will change.” After saying this, I felt a sense of release. Then they all looked at me in amazement, and whispered: “What’s wrong with our teacher today? Even her tone has changed. Does she really mean that? …” After a while, the monitor incredibly stood up and asked me, “Miss Li, won’t you punish us any longer?” I nodded with a smile. Then they made some proposals, “Miss Li, I think you are a little partial, please pay more attention to us.” “Miss Li, if something happens in school, please solve it in school and don’t tell our parents.” Hearing the low students were willing to speak, I felt very gratified. It seemed that the relationship between us was closer suddenly. It was all due to God’s guidance. Thank God! Thereafter, when seeing me, they greeted me actively and they became attentive in class; after class, my appearance wouldn’t put a sudden stop to their laughter; some slow students actively found me for making up missed lessons and asked me questions. Moreover, some helped me fetch water when I was watering flowers in the schoolyard. … Their small changes made me feel pleased for practicing the truth.
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